At some point, everyone wishes they owned a fast red sports car. It is a dream most people overcome by the age of eleven but it captures us again during a mid-life crisis. The one thing we want to experience in that car is raw speed. We want to feel the roar of the engine as we tear down the open road and burst past all other cars. Yes, they are judging us, yes, they are saying “what another midlife crisis loser” but we know they are really thinking “there goes one man living the dream and damn I wish I could be him for just a moment”, but they can’t be us, they can’t even see us because that powerful engine has left them in our wake. With that in mind, it is important if you buy a red sports car that it can deliver under the hood. Here are the five slowest sports cars ever made, ones to avoid.
The Saab Sonett deserves a mention because it is a beautiful car. While Saab isn’t what most people dream about as their midlife crisis car, the Sonett looks gorgeous and comes in red. The sleek design would look great on any street and would definitely turn a few heads. The only issue that looks are deceiving. The little Sonett can only reach a top speed of 170km/h and at that speed, it will be struggling. The ‘performance’ car is powered by a 1.5-liter engine with a shameful 65 horsepower. This is the car you need to avoid. It looks sexy but once you try and floor it, Karen in her SUV will leave you in her wake.
The Opel GT is another beautiful car. This one comes in a canary yellow which is sure not to disappoint any midlife crisis hero. The car screams 60s chique and will have admirers at every turn until they drive it. The Opel GT can only reach a top speed of 180 km/h, a little better than the Sonett but still far from the realms required to make it a true sports car. This is one that would be a good investment if you never plan on driving it or always plan on being stuck in traffic.
DeLorean DMC 12
If there is one car every boy and girl born in the 80s has dreamed of owning it is the DeLorean DMC 12. The car made famous by Back to the Future with a gullwing design can go so fast that it can transport you through time. Yet when not time traveling the car leaves a little to be desired. While still a beautiful car and one that would leave any midlife crisis complete it won’t win any speed races. The car tops out at just 177km/h.
The Porsche that is one number higher than the famed and speedy 911. If the 911 is fast the 912 must be even faster. No, not even close. Porsche was struggling with sales in the 60s and decided to release a slower model, the 912. It looked like a 911 but without any of its power. If you were traveling with the prevailing wind and going downhill you might get this car to reach 190 km/h. A sad sight for such a beautiful Porsche.
Chevrolet Corvette C3 1980
The Corvette is a name synonymous with speed. The 1980 C3 looks like a monster. Its sleek stainless steel design and curved body clearly mean business. Yet the highest number you will read on the speedometer will be 85 mph (136km/h). That is because when the car was released there was a limit imposed on speedometers by the American government. If we ignore the random shackles placed on this beast it can still only reach a speed of 193 km/h. A little more respectable but still a long way of high performance. Still, this car looks so good it would be worth purchasing and replace with a new engine.